Friday, March 16, 2012

And the schedule has been cleared....

When you look at my calendar for a typical week, it is booked solid.  I start at 6:30 am and don't rest until about 10 pm or later most nights.  It has been funny for me to look at my Google calendar the past 2 weeks and realize that it is completely empty other than the occasional doctor's appointment.  So apparently in order for me to take a step back and empty out my schedule, it takes surgery.   It has been so hard on me to sit and do nothing for two weeks.  I think that it is even harder now that I am starting to feel better, but I still have to stay off of my foot.  I look around the house and think about all the things that I would like to do, particularly cleaning, cooking, laundry, and playing with my kids, and I struggle that I cannot do it.

This week was Kirsten's spring break and so Jeremy stayed with me the first three days this week.  We were able to get out of the house and head to visit with his parents on Monday and have a picnic lunch.  Tuesday, Jeremy took Kirsten and Katie to the Allen Natatorium Indoor Pool.  Kirsten loved the lazy river and the big slides, and Katie loved the toddler splash pool.  I hope that next time I can go with them.  

On Wednesday we headed out in the morning to see the Lorax and then in the afternoon Jeremy took Kirsten to the library for a special program about the UK.  It has been great to get out of the house some and hopefully Kirsten has not been totally bored during her break from school.  The past two days Patty has been here with us. The girls have loved having two full days with their Grandma and have enjoyed making bread, baking cookies, shopping, playing in the back yard and taking over her NOOK.  

I have spent most of my time working on converting my into books, reading, and catching up on scrapbooking.  I also managed to do all of the girls spring clothes shopping from the comfort of my chair.  I am to the point of complete boredom and frustration though.  I am looking forward to going back to work next week, but scared at the same time as to how I am going to handle it.  Just a trip to the doctor today for an hour completely wiped me out.  My mom is coming in tomorrow and will be here for a week, but after that I am on my own.  I cannot even think about it without having a meltdown.  Because even though I am starting to feel better, I still have 4 to 6 more weeks that I have to be off of my foot and on crutches.  That is 4 to 6 weeks where I am not able to pick up Katie, change her diapers, get her down for a nap, get either of us food or drinks, get her in and out of the car, get down on the floor to play with her, pick Kirsten up from school, do laundry, get myself dressed, clean at all or even cook dinner.  I can't even get myself a glass of water.  I feel so completely and totally helpless and worthless.  This has been so much harder on me both physically and mentally than I ever imagined.  I hope and pray that a few months ago I will be able to look back on this and see that it was worth it, because right now I think that I should have just dealt with the pain.

No comments: